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By Kim, April 22, 2010

I have a rant today. I could have one everyday, but I try to keep the published ones reasonably spaced. Here goes:

Where and how in today’s society do you learn that the proper place to dispose of unneeded or unwanted furniture – sofas and the like – is in the median of the Franconia-Springfield Parkway? I would show you a photo, but some public-spirited citizen or agency has arranged it’s quick removal.

And, how on earth do you figure out that by the side of any random road – except in your own neighborhood, of course – it’s perfectly OK and in fact encouraged to toss your bags full of trash and garbage. Or your ripped mattress. Or the empty bottles of beer you drank while driving down said random road texting your girlfriend . . . oops, my mistake, those are thrown in the middle of said random road.

No, dammit, it’s not OK. It’s classless, unconscionably arrogant, and displays a selfishness, laziness and immaturity so vast I can’t conceive of words enough to fully describe it. Jackasses.

Perhaps you go to (or come from) a similar place where you learn that, to advertise your business, you illegally staple garish 18×24″ placards to as many road sign posts as you can find – that’s why the VDOT put them there, right? So you can advertise your el cheapo granite countertops, or your summer karate school, or perhaps your tax business. Ever used a powerwasher? Gee that’s good for half a dozen different signs.

And let’s not forget, we simply must tell everyone who drives over the American Legion Bridge in Springfield that just around the corner is an “Air Condition Laundomat.” A fine use of an otherwise pointless VDOT traffic directional sign.

Sometimes, though, the signs have so much great copy on them it’s hard to tell if you’re peddling “affordable car insurance” – finally! – some sort of mortgage scam, or just trying to find that incredibly elusive “real estate investing apprentice” you want to pay $20,000 per month. Amazing, all those signs and apparently you still haven’t found that apprentice! So much for an unemployment problem!

Today I drove past a veritable field of yellow signs with red printing that said “Flintstone” . . . something something something.” All I could think of was Fred, and a friend of mine who used to amaze me with his ability to perfectly draw him. And, of course, that your damn stupid illegal yellow signs were going to be littering the median at Popes Head Road until whenever VDOT finds the time and money to cut the grass and throw them away.

Campaign signs? I know, they’re legal (mostly) and they are taken down with in two weeks after the election. Real estate directionals and Open House signs? Hey, I’m an agent, I use them – but they come down when the house is sold or the open house is over. Yard sales? Fine, but not stapled on the road signs, and they come down at the end of the day.

I must confess that I have, on occasion, exercised a form of vigilantism, taking the law into my own hands by removing an advertising placard nailed to our local STOP sign. VDOT has enforcement powers, and there is a fine of $100 per sign, but VDOT doesn’t have anyone to do the enforcement, nor have they authorized the county to do it. So it’s basically up to us. Any volunteers?